Been waiting for just a single reply from the e-mails I sent the past weeks since April.  Was it something I did (unfortunately unknown to me)? It has been a bother, of how you manage to go online at friendster and still didn't do any one-word reply to cure it.
     Now I e-mail. And you don't do the replies.
     It doesn't make any sense.
     It bothers me even more.

     For the nth time I read Anna's comment. It is inevitable; my grave curiosity of knowing who she is and how she deals with you. I try asking. You say I forget about it.
     I ain't jealous. Jealousy's different from curiosity. It's just unfair; of how I was open to you about mine and you, you curb.
     Oh well, forget about it then.

I have come back to the classic pen-and-notebook journaling-con-scrapbooking. Interesting, ey? More expensive though. There is something about spontaneous handwritten writings that excite me, lest i never have to remind myself again of what I wanted to write and wait in vain to get back home, open my turtle-like laptop and jot down words that have already slipped off my tounge's tip.

TIme to put on my artsy skills.

Fujin's gonna be on hiatus.

Fujin signing off.

I haven't gotten enough sleep for the past eight days already, straight. You see, I arrived at St Nick past 12 last 28th to resume work on the 29th. On the 29th, I had to finish all SIRR validations and postings til 3:30 am of the 30th. On the 30th I had to travel back to San Do to drop by our high school reunion at Seapark, stayed there 'til 1 am. On the 31st, putukan na! On the 1st, travelled back again to St. Nick. On the 2nd to 6th, work work work 'til dawn, nonstop. I bet this won't stop 'til the 7th. Maybe later than that.

Jjay imagines me now like an owl; my dark eyebags hang lose, as if mimicking that of an owl's big eyes. I have become a creature of the night.

"Saan ka?"

Funny why that one single innocent salutation was undesirable to you. I only asked to know if my call, or I, wasn't a disturbance.

"Wrong timing ka naman e."

There was never a right time. You are halfway around the globe; would I know what's keeping you busy if I hadn't called? Ironically, you call me at the wrong time too. I know how you felt.

You shouldn't have told me to call. Naging kasalanan ko pa tuloy.

Your frankness is something that's understandingly sensible, but sometimes you choose words that are too blunt... too insensitive... too sharp it cuts through.

I have become cynical.

You just made my day.

"All aboard!"

Off I went aboard Cebu Pacific's ATR 72-500 plane with my boss from Laoag's airport. We were bound for Manila to attend CNLA's Christmas Party in Pampanga. I wasn't excited of the party. I was damn thrilled to fly!

My boss let me sit by the window; so I went with an Olympus digicam hanged losely in my palm. I have to take this first-timer documentation!

3...2...1! The plane took off from Laoag's little runway in a flash. Up we went, slowly reaching the stars sparkling endlessly under velvety black skies. At last, I flew. I soared sixty long minutes passing above gray clouds.

The plane skidded sideways upon reaching our destination. Lower and lower we went. At that, I didn't lean on my seat, as if savoring the rare bliss of flight. The windowpane transformed into a canvas of multicolored glitter. The city lights turned into a myriad of shimmery art, sprinkled and scattered over Manila's busy streets, high skylines and towering structures. It was a breathtaking, magnificent view.

I touched down.

    It was an alarming number. The amount in my phone bill was definitely disturbing. I could have spent the payment in more necessary stuff, like an extra mobile phone perhaps? Yeah, 'twas that big.

    In attempts to at least keep my sweat-and-blood intact, my phone and credit card bills are forwarded to mom for monitoring purposes. Still, all in vain. And even if I was scolded every month (yes, still), the scolding ain't concerning me until this last phone bill. Maybe that's the problem with appealing payslips - you gain much, you lose way much!

    Or maybe, there was nothing else sensible I can think of to spend the dosh besides rent and other basic stuff. The trouble with not having an end point to it is having shots of other points 'til it vanishes in a snap. I was out of control. Way out of control.

    The heck. Nearly had a tear upon seeing the numbers. Was I merely loving, or was I loving too much?

I was frantic on the eleventh. You sent me an SMS telling me you've arrived. I didn't know what to do! Kaba, kaba, kaba.
But I didn't see you on the eleventh. Your voice over the phone in the evening was the only proof of your arrival at LU. I wanted to see you, but it was late. Tomorrow then. Your return was still an uncertain truth.

Then came the twelfth. I waited at home. The sound of engines made me glance at the window. You came out of your dad's red Toyota Innova. I immediately recognized your spiked hair, your dark skin, your majinbu-ish built. I said hi. I let you in. You were in. You were here. Though still in disbelief, I welcomed you with open arms. We were inseparable by then.
The Baguio excursion with your dad and uncles on that same day revealed some of your acquired American habits, though you were still the same hilarious guy I came to love four years ago. Sweeter too.

The thirteenth was fine. Your welcome cum birthday party turned into a little reunion of our elementary, high school and college classmates. Some were in question of how we turned out to be. Some thrilled to see us reunited after years. Though at that same night you didn't tell me you were going clubbing with them, I was thankful I didn't come.

I was surprised to see you at St. Jude on the fourteenth. I introduced you to my aunt and her four baby bardaguls. You were incessantly asking me about the Ilocos visit since I requested you to come last twelfth. Off we went late in the afternoon.

I admire how you accompanied me back to St. Nick to report for work, and how you waited 8 hours from lunchtime 'til I called it a day at the office on the fifteenth. I was watching you reading the same magazine over and over and digging on your ipod through my monitor screen. Kat knows how I pitied you, how boredom was killing you, how I can't do anything to cheer you up. Nevertheless, I neither heard any word nor seen any gesture of impatience from you. You did change. I like what you've become. Thankfully Mike made your day through a little B-ball game. We went back to L.U. fulfilled that night.

The sixteenth was bad. I had to leave for Pampanga for a 3-day training. I wanted to take you with me, but you had your Manila plans all set. Phone calls 'til late nights linked us together on the seventeenth to nineteenth. Those felt like we were oceans apart again. I desperately wanted to see you.

Wish fulfilled on the twentieth. A little despedida party for you was set on len's abode with some high school classmates. We had to buy pizzas at pizza hut. Our picture taken there was nice. At last we had our first pair pic! It currently is my phone's wallpaper. Cute.

Twenty-first. I had to leave again for St. Nick. You came over before six to drop me off at the bus stop. My supposed six p.m. schedule was moved to eight. I didn't want to leave, I still wanted to be with you. Still, you assured me you'd come over on the twenty-third before leaving for Manila. And so I went with the expectation to see you again one last time. Little did we know that was my last glimpse of you, again.

Twenty-second. Typhoon Nina was a threat. Signal number three struck Ilocos Norte. It was too strong, I sent you an SMS saying you might get stranded on the twenty-third when you persisted on your plan of coming over. You said you still wanted to come, but then changed your mind later that day. In the evening, you called mom and dad and kim for dinner at Max's with your family. I was curious, I wished I should have been with you.

You definitely didn't come on the twenty-third. I was upset that day. Maybe if I told you in the morning that the weather was fine already, you would have carried out your plan. Stupid me. Still, you had no remorse. Your optimism and hilariousness lifted my spirits up. My regrets faded.

Twenty-fourth... twenty-fifth. Listening to each others' voices was the only doable thing. I missed you again, like how I always missed you for four years.

Twenty-sixth. After lunch, you left.


Your comeback was the antidote to our agonizing four-year desperate waiting. Upon seeing you, I remember why I extremely love you. Being with you during your very brief stay, I love you even more.
Now I know why I find it hard to let go.

'Til I see you again Mafia. But please, don't make me wait another four years.

    No one will ever understand the work of a finance staff unless he himself is one.

    In an attempt to at least lessen my workload, and because tea has gone before August ended so manpower's scarce at the office, and jjay's coming home, I decided to sacrifice two weekends for the month-end closing. The attempt worked, big time.

    I have never seen my boss grin that wide for the longest time. I must have done something pleasing in her eyes, finally, after months and months of pissing her off (both deliberately and, most of the time, inadvertently). Or so i did! I won't have any compensation though for the supposed OT I had for the past weekend. I didn't claim for it; an issue many can't understand.

    The "unclaiming" is not a desperate stabbing effort to please my boss. Neither is it plain martyrdom. It is my chance of redemption from long incessant downfalls I have had at the helldom I once belonged, more of proving that every downfall's fixed with every gratis sacrifice. Whining can never help; that is the ultimate lesson I've learned. I chose that path anyway, who am I to whine?

     I still have lots to fix back at the office. I'll fix them one at a time, with no whines involved. Just plain beaming work.

   
     Tea bid farewell before leaving the office.
      I didn't have the nerve to look.  I was passive.  I was wary.
     Thank God for celphones, I bid back.
     Seven replies came. I replied back.

     You will always be an inspiration tea.
     'Til we meet again tea.
      After all, we're still in the same big hella roof.